Rant about the Holidays

This is the time of giddy excitement, anticipation of gifts, good cheer, joviality and good times to be had by all. A time to give thanks, celebrate Jesus and finally step foot in your respective denominations' churches.
And also the time for criminals, pick pockets, scam artists, nasty attitudes, Christmas songs, commercials, decorations and after Christmas last chance better get it while it's hot even though the prices had already been marked up, then discounted to regular price sales. Yay.

This was once a time that I looked forward to going to my grandmother's house and all my cousins and aunties and drunk uncles could get together and gorge ourselves on some food that, as someone would invariably say, "put their foot in it" as compliments to the chef. A time to drink (as I got older), and speakscream to each other because the music would be so loud. To watch my great aunt in her late 70's pop her cootchie, snap her fingers, and commence to show us young ones how it was done. To see trains of running little mocha chocolatta woolly headed chirren running through the kitchen and from room to room, oblivious to their momma's and grandmas actin' a fool.

My grandmother passed away about 3 years ago and gone are the days of big get togethers. My family is so fragmented right now that when they splintered off, they closed the door to rekindle the tradition. Excuses like, that house isn't the same with aunt m gone, I’m going on vacation, or they just don't return the phone calls, and end up being no shows.

I moved to a cold city and an even colder family. The warmth felt from friends left behind have been replaced with intermittent sparks, and none to ignite the flame that once flickered for me and I for them. This time is the worst. This time is the worst time.
………..You know, I really can’t sugarcoat this and say there is a moral to the story. I can’t make it up and pretend I’ve just wrapped it up in a pretty little package and bow to mask the disconnection that I feel inside from every aspect and every avenue of my life.
I am hurting. This time is filled with too many memories, and not enough experiences to make new ones.
I think I just want someone to say, it’ll be ok.